What the hell do I know about soccer? Oh, I’m sorry. FOOTBALL. Futbol? Honestly, I don’t know much except that every four years I pretend to have this great interest in it and I go all World Cup crazy. That is, until America gets its collective ass handed to it and I go back to watching baseball…

I’m seriously looking forward to England being awesome right up until they throw it all away. As long as they hand a loss to the U.S.A team I will be happy. I want to be able to say things like;

“That’s what happens when America enters a team into a world tournament that teams from other countries actually play in.”

“We only won because the game didn’t stop every ten seconds so they could take a breath.”

“How did you enjoy the game centered around the ball actually being controlled using the foot?”

I feel I can be that obnoxious because once both teams are out, we can all then move on and be united in cheering for whatever teams play against France and Argentina.

Of course, if England lose to the U.S.A I will be unavailable for comment.

For a long, long time.